All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
