I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
