you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
