Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
