You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
