I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
