we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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