I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
