I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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