I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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