I'm so fucking centered right now
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
