so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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