It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
