The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
