ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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