Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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