I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
