just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She bit a glass in half.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
