tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
