Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
