you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
