i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
