the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
