i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
