I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
