ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
