hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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