They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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