Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
