and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
