When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
