I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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