i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
