I bet he comes in French.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
