Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
