I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
