my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize