God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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