I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
40s are totally the cure
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
