my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
