Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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