I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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