It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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