i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
