I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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