i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
