Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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