My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Randomize
