he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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