hell yes lets make some ravioli
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
