Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
