Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
