Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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