i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
