She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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