he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize