i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
