She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize