I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
