...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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