They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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