Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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