I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no, he came in my armpit
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize