made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize