If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
