Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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