so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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