It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
