Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
