I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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