the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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