sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
