My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
