Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize